After being frisked and carded, the candidates are lead out to the tarmac where Trump's plane has just screeched to a halt.
In a fit of madness, Trump picks Mensa Boy and Tricksy Pixie to head up the teams.
Tricksy Pixie grabs Tammy, leaving Mensa Boy to choose Dan the Family Man over “Hell on Wheels” Andrea (who goes to Pixie in Round #2, leaving the Orlando-Bloom look-a-like to whine about it later in personal interviews).
[Attention, Mensa Boy: Wouldn’t it have been smart to pick Andrea FIRST if she was such an obvious winner and save Dan (not as hot an option) for Round #2?]
Now comes the Choosing of the Names: After Brent’s ill-fated “Killer Instinct” (which, for Brett, seems only to mean an instinct for getting himself killed), Sean throws out “Synergy.” This one’s a keeper, while future scenes with Brett are overdubbed with this season’s version of “Markus Music,” thus sealing his fate.
Meanwhile, Mensa Boy throws out the idea of “Gold Rush” (a “double-entrende” – ooh, he knows French too, aren’t we soooo smart?). Although the name sounds far too much like “Gold Digger” to be comfortable, ominously the group goes for it.
The task: Sell the most Sam’s Club Membership Upgrades. (Oh. Boy. How exciting. Yippee.)
The resources (worthy of a MacGuyver episode): A modest budget, reams of empty “gift bags,” and a large Goodyear blimp.
The little guy in Brent’s head that is supposed to tell him when to shut up has apparently been shipped prematurely to the Ponderosa [to prepare a place for his master?], so Brent quickly earns the eye-rolling scorn of all his teammates. While he claims he doesn’t care, he says it with the desperate bravado of a middle-school boy who supposedly doesn’t mind being wedgied and red-bellied and swirlied every week after gym class.
Meanwhile, Sean is laying the “Dudley Moore charm” on trailer-trash clientele via his British accent; and Psychochic chortles over how much energy she has, not realizing that even a strobe light that is occasionally fun can be downright annoying most of the time if it’s never turned off. (“Physician, medicate thyself! PLEASE!”)
Over on the Gold Rush team, Bryce is outside playing screaming-meemie in traffic, maybe hoping that even if he is hit, many people will stop just to see why the cameramen are still filming.
Meanwhile, inside Tarek is issuing commands like a guy playing the single-player edition of Civilization IV, Summer takes her first phone rejection far too hard, and Lee is winning over many with his nicely tailored suit. He looks oddly out of place in Sam’s Club, yet comfortingly professional, and so no one seems to find his presence odd.
After Lenny’s dream voyage as “Master and Commander” of the Goodyear Blimp, the day ends and both teams think they’ve won. Final score: Synergy 43, Gold Rush 40.
Although this is only a difference of three account upgrades, Synergy is treated to a sumptuous lunch while Gold Rush is whipped soundly and cast out into the bitter cold with only crusts of bread and much gnashing of teeth.
At the Club, Trump offers the obligatory meaningful Life Lesson about how making money pales in light of African violence and Asian earthquakes. Back at the ranch, Summer in her role as Team Scapegoat makes her mandatory disappearance so that everyone can throw her under the bus behind her back.
When Lee says that he doesn’t feel comfortable with treating someone that way and suggests that maybe Tarek didn’t provide enough creative leadership, Tarek reveals his identity as a Sith Lord and offers some veiled threat about how Lee should avoid making himself a target in the boardroom. (Boo! Hiss!)
But of course, in the heroic but naïve tradition of his role-model Luke Skywalker, Lee refuses to be intimidated and opens his mouth as widely as possible. Tarek railroads Summer and Lenny back to the boardroom, then throws Lee in for good measure despite the fact that everyone ogled over Lee’s performance.
The show quickly descends into a spinoff of “Everyone Hates Tarek.” All the men laugh at Mensa Boy openly, driving him further down his sullen path to the Dark Side. Carolyn meanwhile continues to blaze away at Summer, who for the life of her cannot articulate any substantial contribution she made to the task (even if it was just ordering the pizza).
It looks like Mensa Boy is about to lose after all, when Summer suddenly makes her only substantial contribution to Tarek by witlessly taking the Donald’s descending blow on her own body, buying the Dark Lord a week’s reprieve – although Lenny swears “not for long” as the group pushes their way out the door.
Battle lines are drawn and the war between Good and Evil has only just begun.
In the postlude, Summer taxis to the Ponderosa, trying to offer a rational explanation for her sacrifice but only dredging up a bucket of bewildering sentimentalism that proves she wasn't a contender anyway.
